Once again I’m on the floor
First comes the fall
before the memory
of being here before
crawling on all fours

There’s indents in the carpet
that fit my searching hands
and knee-prints shaped like desperate hearts
longing for a glance

From the figure up ahead of me
I know that silhouette
I’ve sketched it in my mind –
a dozen times
So many lines I’ve drawn for you
wishing that you’d sketch me too

Back then when I was upright
On some days,
you’d fling a look my way
and I’d take that semblance of affection
and beg that it would stay

But all the while I was aware
that all your piecemeal care
could only spread so far
It couldn’t reach me deep enough
to translate into love

With time, my falls cracked upwards
subverting how I stood
till the worth of being seen by you
no longer did me good

I curse that desperate crawl
it muddles sturdy minds
It stomps on roads I’ve built so I
can leave that shit behind

There’s no more time to waste
not one more night I’ll spend
held in a pulse that’s set to please
someone make pretend

Take my sketches
Take my love
Throw them to the ground
because I won’t be here for you
when next you turn around