If only

It was Thursday when
My body broke
A gangrenous cyst
Launched missiles of pain
Into my belly
And up through my heart

Which was broken too
Because of you.

I couldn’t tell them apart
The strangling hands.
Too many, too tight
They clawed at my breath
They shredded my might

So I was taken
To be fixed.

More hands jabbed at the fiend
They poked him with blood
And dulled him with drugs

He slept for a while
Like dragons do
Dreaming of fires and rage
Through peaceful breaths

My body awoke
Together with hope

That you might be there too.

But the bombs now dropped
Inside my belly
And the War was on!
So it wouldn’t be long

Before I had to fight.

I fought with strangers
For a different cause
All hail! We won the battle
Now I recover alone

The cyst is gone
But so are you.

I heal while I break
Pieces of praline scatter to the floor
And I wonder why I fought at all

If not for you
Then for who?

They tell me it’s for me.

My heart was broke
A troubled pump
That never knew
The good stuff is supposed
To flow inwards too

I reach down
Past my quiet wound
To collect the pieces
One by one
That I had shunned.
They’re brittle
Scarred, who wants them anymore?
Not you.
But I do
To give them love anew

If only you had too.

One thought on “If only

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